Personal Adulting: The Art of the Rager

Sun breaks through your window. Music is playing down the street and a dog is barking. Your head is pounding, there are six Del Taco wrappers on the floor, and your body aches. All you know in this world is that you’re happy, last night was epic, and you need some Advil and water. All tell tale signs of a complete and utter rager of a party. You’re a run-of-the-mill loser and Buzz Killington. How did you get to this state? What happened? Let’s start at the beginning.

Hosting - Like a Boss

Whether a first-time host or veteran, every event comes with a few core logistical points of planning: Invitation, Set-Up, Arrival, Activity, Wrap-Up.

Invitation:

There are two schools of thought that are equally as valid and come with their own set of complications – invite people individually OR invite people in groups. In both scenarios, you want to avoid people feeling left-out or unwanted at an event. Individual invitations often make the person more likely to attend and have a better time as their presence is singled out. On the flip side, if it is a party larger than ~20 people this process can take some time and you risk isolating or forgetting a subset of people you actually want to attend. Sending a group chat or asking a member from each social circle is another alternative. This style is high-risk high-reward as it allows you to cast a wider net, but can also be met with the dreaded ‘group chat silence’. I would not wish group chat silence on my worst enemy. The stress of the texter. The awkwardness from the textees who don’t want to go and now have to voice their reasoning in front of the crowd. Ugh, I shudder. Regardless, we generally recommend erring on the side of individual texts for smaller parties and group texting for larger events.

Set-Up:

As you push further into adulthood, you’ll recognize that there are college parties and the more sophisticated adult parties. When setting up, it is important to know which type of party you intend to host. One demarcation of an adult party is the provision of small snacks by the host – pretzels, fruit, vegetables, cheese, or charcuterie( I know what that is now) - as well as have some pre-made drinks or glasses ready for people to pick-up. A college party is characterized by cheap beer, drinking games, junk food, louder music, and general debauchery. Games like Beer Die, Rage Cage, or Baseball are great to have as they are more inclusive or active, allowing for more people to be engaged. Card games like Poker, King’s Cup, Hearts, Spades, or F**k the Dealer are more conversational and greater for smaller crowds. If the intent of your party is to drink and you do not need a game to get absolutely blacked, you’re closer to the adult end of the spectrum and would want to shift your focus from games to providing a more conversational setting. Making a pseudo-conversation den is a nice base layout to use regardless of your apartment or house size. This layout illicits conversation by having all members of the group face one another rather than having some people by the couch and tv, some by the bar, or some outside. For a more well-rounded party, try having the first thirty minutes of the party be conversational and without alcohol, and then afterwards mix in drinking. Another crucial factor of the set-up is music. Unless the main reason of the party is to DJ or dance, you should have some genre of light music playing in the background. A consistent theme and volume is preferable to simply playing your Liked Songs from Spotify. If your music was to switch from reggae to rap to classic rock it may raise a few eyebrows and result in an aux change. If your music is the heart of your party’s discussion, consider it “mission failed, we’ll get ‘em next time.”

Arrival:

Do not assume that people will be fashionably late. Have everything set up early so you are not caught by surprise. Every so often, you’ll get an outlier that comes early. If they are not your core group of friends, it can be awkward for them to watch you set up. Other people naturally arrive late. You know who these people are – you’re either picturing a Kyle, Mady, Brandon, Tori, or Luke. They jump in the shower 5 minutes before they’re supposed to be there, pick up boos on the way, forget how to get there, and turn around halfway because they think they left their car keys. Being ready early will help cater to these snails as well. When people start to arrive, try to avoid talking in the doorway and catch up there. Assume that you will be able to talk later as they are in your house. Instead, greet them, show them where the party will be, provide a quick preview as to the events you’ve arranged (college or adult), and offer them a drink.

Activity:

For some parties the entire goal is to drink and socialize. For others, there may be a UFC fight, Bachelorette airing (if they ever get their s**t together), or baseball game you would like to watch with a group. As a host, it is easier to build your party around an event so that people have a predetermined conversation topic and time-frame to keep them engaged. During the party it is great to make rounds to any groups of conversation, keep up with your friends’ lives, and see if there is anything you can provide – drinks, water, food, directions to the restroom.

Wrap-Up:

There is typically an organic end to most events – people are drunk and have called Ubers, they want to go to bed, or have found their hook-up for the night. When someone leaves make sure to thank them for coming and if they are driving or Ubering home, ask them to message you when they get home safe. These small courtesies go a long way and help round out that epic night. After everyone has left, clean-up the large messes and food, but leave the rest for ‘future-you’ to clean-up. Thank us later.

Attending - Like a Valuable Asset to the Company

Urban Dictionary defines “party” as, “Something I never get invited to.” If this sounds like you, it’s possible that you’re committing some common party fouls that we’re here to help you avoid…or you’re just weird, but we can’t cure that. Before going to a party it’s important to define why you are attending to help you make the most of your time, as well as avoid situations that are awkward. The most common reasons are to get sh*t-faced, consentingly hook-up with someone new, make new friends, catch-up with old friends. Try to structure your night with a mix of each, but always have your main goal at the top-of-your mind. If you leave a party without achieving that goal, it’s often disappointing. Mission failed. We’ll get ‘em next time.

Invitation:

If you receive an invite, don’t just bring someone new or someone who was not invited. Reach out to the host and ask if it’s fine for them to join as well. Not doing this will guarantee some bad blood. If you’re not invited to the party, it may be the fact that the person went with the group message philosophy. If you want to go, simply reach out to that person directly to ask

Arrival:

When you arrive there are two things you should do – BYOB and embrace the puppy dog effect. BYOB – Bring Your Own Booze is a very versatile tool. It can relieve some pressure on the host to have enough alcohol, it can ensure you can drink what you enjoy, or it can be used as a gift for the host if there is already alcohol present. The ‘puppy-dog effect’ is an old study that showed why individuals are so enamored by puppies. One factor was that their large eyes are like that of babies, but the other factor is that they are always excited to see you. If there is no other takeaway from this article, we implore you to always lead with a smile when walking through the door, introducing yourself, or maneuvering through a party. It is also helpful to introduce yourself to new people if you have not met them previously. When you meet them, make a concerted effort to say their name in your head over and over for at least 5 seconds. Remembering someone’s name is the fastest way to make a new friend as it shows they are important to you. Forgetting a name can ruin a first or second impression. If you forget someone’s name ask a mutual friend. When talking to that person again use their name in the sentence. “So, Mady, so-and-so told me you ran a half marathon. How did you prepare for that?”. Another key aspect to avoid is asking, “What have you been up to?” after not seeing someone for an extended period. The response is usually curt, as it is an impossible to answer this question. Stuff, Adulting. I’ve been up to stuff. Instead, try asking, “How are you?” This question shifts the time frame to the present and allows for a series of following up questions.

Activity:

Do not be a burden to the host by over-drinking or asking if you can play music. Also, do not forget your goal. You came here to meet some new people, so be confident and talk to someone. The easiest way to do this is through a mutual connection. This allows for an easy introduction as well as a contact point if that person ever wants to reach you or learn more about you. If you do not have a mutual connection, hopefully you applied our earlier advice of introducing yourself to new groups when you entered the party. The failure to do this is one of the top regrets midway through an event.

Wrap-Up:

When leaving a party, start by letting the host know you are leaving and thanking them for setting up the event. If the party is winding down, it is also polite to ask if there is anything you can do to help clean-up. Other than that, remember to say goodbye to the rest of the party, especially anyone new that you have met.

Overall, if a party has good friends, a comfortable atmosphere, solid drinks, and preferable ratio of men to women, it will more than likely be a great time. For a party to be a absolute legendary ranger, it needs something that can’t be taught. The X-factor. A person or occurrence that takes it to the next level causing the event to be written in the tones of history. Throw enough events, and who knows, maybe that person will be you.